S4 Ep12 — Forgive, Don’t Forget: The Science of Letting Go …

Forgive, Don’t Forget — The Science of Letting Go. Clarity meets courage as the Sobriety Crew breaks down forgiveness vs. passivity, triangulation, narrative control, and reactive abuse—with tools you can use today.This episo...

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October 16, 2025

S4 Ep12 — Forgive, Don’t Forget: The Science of Letting Go (Boundaries, Triangulation & Reactive Abuse)

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Forgive, Don’t Forget — The Science of Letting Go. Clarity meets courage as the Sobriety Crew breaks down forgiveness vs. passivity, triangulation, narrative control, and reactive abuse—with tools you can use today.This episode blends science and street-smarts: how forgiveness lowers stress and relapse triggers, why boundaries protect love (not block it), and how to stop feeding someone else’s storyline—online and IRL.What you’ll learn

How forgiveness reduces cortisol and improves focus—without excusing harm.
Spotting triangulation and narrative control in group chats and social feeds.
What reactive abuse looks like (and how to avoid the screenshot trap).
Practical boundary scripts you can use without losing your peace.
Tech that helps: mood tracking, guided breathing, and self-monitoring for sobriety.

Chapters

00:00 – Cold open & hook
02:10 – Science of forgiveness (stress, relapse, focus)
10:45 – Triangulation & narrative control (digital life)
18:30 – Reactive abuse: the calm storyteller vs. the shaking truth-teller
26:15 – Boundaries that protect love
31:40 – Tools & affirmations for daily recovery
34:50 – Closing: alignment is peace, not perfection

CastDaniel “Your Sobriety Buddy” Nelson • Jane Marie (Stats & Facts) • Chucky Chip (Tech on Deck) • Marcus the Motivator • Beeyou • Curious JoeCall to ActionEnjoying the show? Follow, rate ★★★★★, and share with a friend who’s doing the work. New episodes weekly. More at Absolutely Focused Radio.Affirmations

I choose clarity over confusion.
Boundaries protect love.
My strength is in my choices, not their reactions.

DisclaimerAbsolutely Focused Radio is for informational and entertainment purposes only and is not medical or therapeutic advice. If you’re struggling with mental health or substance use, contact a professional. In the U.S., call or text 988 for support.© 2025 Daniel Thabudd Nelson / Absolutely Focused Radio. All rights reserved.

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/absolutely-focused-radio-podcast--6516641/support.

Transcript

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Absolutely Focused Radio, Season four, Episode twelve, Forgive, Don't Forget

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the Science of letting Go. Welcome back to Absolutely Focused Radio,

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where clarity meets courage and sobriety meets everyday life. Today's

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conversation forgive, don't Forget the science of letting go, And

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as always, your Sobriety crew is here. Daniel, your sobriety

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buddy Nelson, Jane Marie with the stats and facts, Chucky

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chip Tech on deck, Marcus the motivator, motivation for the nation,

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be You, reminding you to be yourself because you matter.

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And Curious Joe asking the questions we all think but

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don't always say. Together, they're breaking down emotional manipulation, accountability,

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and how to forgive without losing your boundaries.

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Before we talk forgiveness, let's talk facts. Some people confuse

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peace with passivity. Forgiveness isn't saying it's okay. It's saying

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I'm done carrying what's not mine.

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Science backs that up. Forgiveness lowers blood pressure and reduces

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relapse triggers. Holding grudges keeps cortisol high and focus low.

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Translation, forgiveness is self care with a backbone.

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Let's talk about a behavior that hides in plain sight. Triangulation.

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That's when someone brings a third person knee into your

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conflict instead of facing you directly. It looks like help,

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but it's really emotional outsourcing.

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Psychologists call it an indirect control tactic. It creates confusion

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and keeps accountability blurry.

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Here's the hardest part about triangulation. Sometimes they don't just

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pull others into your conflict. They turn others against you.

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The wild part. People will believe the calm storyteller before

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the shaking truth teller. I've been there. Looking back, I

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can see how I unknowingly participated, answering rumors, defending myself,

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trying to fix what they quietly broke. They were running

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the play in silence, controlling the narrative, shifting the blame

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before I even knew a game was being played. By

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the time the dust settled, I wasn't seen as the

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one who was hurt. I was painted as the problem.

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But that's the pattern. Everything stays fine until accountability shows up.

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Then the blame gets rerooted.

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That's classic emotional manipulation, shaping perception to protect ego. Psychologists

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call it narrative control, and it feeds off confusion and

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loyalty tests.

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In digital life. That's the quiet unfollow the group chat, edit,

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the half told version that travels faster than the facts.

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Keep receipts, but keep your peace. The truth always logs

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back in.

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And the crazy thing is when they see you doing well,

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that's when their attacks start to sound like jokes. They'll

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shame you for the very thing that's helping you heal.

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It's like they're hoping that you relapse. Like with me,

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I've had people say, you think you're a therapist now,

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or so you got a podcast, huh. But what they

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don't realize is it's not about ego. It's about elevation.

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It's about fixing me and eliminating the toxic habits that

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used to run me. This podcast is my therapy. It

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keeps me grounded, sober, and clear. Through every conversation, I've

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learned so much more about who I am. If it

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were up to some people, they'd rather see you drinking again,

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because a healed version of you is harder for them

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to manipulate. When you start shining, people fighting their own

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shadows can't stand the reflection. Their goal is to pull

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you down any way they can, and when you react

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to prove your point, you fall into the habit hole,

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feeding the story they built for you. That's when I

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learn you can't argue with a clown. They'll drag you

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into the circus and call it entertainment.

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Pooh fact. The louder your peace gets, the more noise

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they make trying to drown it out.

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And your healing doesn't need their approval, just your consistency translations.

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Don't comment on every jab, Let your progress do the posting.

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So what happens when the crowd believes the clown? You

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stay grounded. The truth doesn't need promotion, it needs patience.

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When some people lose control, they look for ways to

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control you. Condescending talk, sarcasm, twisting your words. They're not

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seeking peace. They're building a case.

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That's reactive abuse, provoking until you react, then calling your

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reaction the problem.

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In the digital world, that's ten texts and one screenshot,

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the one where you finally snapped. Best defense, don't argue

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in their sandbox.

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Forgiveness doesn't mean letting people skip accountability. You can love

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someone and still say that behavior is not okay.

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Boundaries don't block love, they protect it.

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So what if they say you're overreacting.

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Then you know your peace is showing. Growth looks dramatic

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to people who live in denial. Here's the message to

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whoever needs to hear it. The more you hurt somebody,

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the less whole you become. You can force movement, but

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you can't call that control. Deception buys a moment. Accountability

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builds a life. You don't heal by winning, you heal

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by learning.

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Mental health check Emotional awareness is as vital as physical health.

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Ignoring emotions triggers relapse patterns. Awareness rewires them.

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Healing takes honesty. Pretending keeps pain on replay.

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You'll break through starts where blame ends.

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Use the tech for peace, mood tracking apps, guided breathing tools.

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That's your real upgrade, self monitoring, not scrollings.

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What's the point of all this forgiveness.

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Talk, because clarity is recovery. When you clear the noise,

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you make space for your next chapter.

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Let's close with affirmations from the Sobriety crew.

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I choose clarity over confusion in every relationship.

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Emotional growth is steady work, not instant perfection thing.

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I use tools to support my piece, not replace it.

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My strength is in my choices, not their reactions.

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I matter, even when I feel misunderstood.

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I'm learning, so I'm allowed not to know.

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Grow with grace, Stay absolutely focused, and remember alignment is peace,

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not perfection.

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Absolutely focused radio is for informational and entertainment purposes only changes.

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The views shared here are not medical or therapeutic advice.

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If you're struggling with mental health or substance use issues,

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reach out to a professional. In the United States, call

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or text nine eight eight for free confidential support. Outside

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the US, contact your local mental health hotline long.

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So, let's start with the little things.

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Let's choose what we

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Didn't say, because every single moment is it